Why Won’t God Answer My Prayer?

Published almost twenty years ago, “Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To” by Anthony DeStefano changed how I pray and how I experience God’s answers to my prayer. I’ll be spending the next few weeks talking about what I got from his book, and how applying the principles in this book to my own life changed me.

Paul, a Man of Prayer

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.” For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

For I tell you that Christ became a servant to the circumcised to show God’s truthfulness, in order to confirm the promises given to the patriarchs, and in order that the Gentiles might glorify God for his mercy. As it is written,

“Therefore I will praise you among the Gentiles,
    and sing to your name.”

And again it is said,

“Rejoice, O Gentiles, with his people.”

And again,

“Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles,
    and let all the peoples extol him.”

And again Isaiah says,

“The root of Jesse will come,
    even he who arises to rule the Gentiles;
in him will the Gentiles hope.”

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans 15:1-13 NRSVUE, italics added

Did you notice that Paul prayed twice in these few verses? The first prayer is in verse 5, “God is the one who makes us patient and cheerful. I pray that he will help you live at peace with each other, as you follow Christ.” The second prayer is in verse 13, “I pray that God, who gives hope, will bless you with complete happiness and peace because of your faith. And may the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope.”

If you were to read through the rest of Paul’s letters you would see him stopping at regular intervals to pray, to praise God and worship the Lord, sometimes just to shout “Alleluia, Amen!”

How Important Is Prayer … Really?

Anthony DeStefano opens his book on prayer with this quote: “When a doctoral student at Princeton asked, ‘What is there left in the world for original dissertation research?’ Albert Einstein replied, ‘Find out about prayer. Somebody must find out about prayer.’”

I learned that every faith has a form of prayer, every ancient faith, and every remote tribe enjoins deity in some kind of prayer. Prayer is universal because it speaks to a basic human need. Twenty years ago, DeStefano quoted a Gallup poll that claimed more Americans would pray in a week than would exercise, drive a car, or go to work. Times have changed. A brief perusal of recent polls shows a great dip in religious belief and prayer, but people still are reaching out to God every day and every week. But as DeStefano began to interview people here is what he discovered. People do consider prayer to be very important. Most prayed every day.

But for how long?

Maybe 5 minutes.

He asked, “Do you find prayer satisfying?” … Not really. He asked, “Do you sense the presence of God when you pray? … Occasionally, not often. Many of the people the author talked with found prayer to be more of a burden than a pleasure. Because they found prayer to be one of the most important things in life, they felt guilty about their failure, blaming themselves.

Three Practical Helps

I mulled over what DeStefano had to say about the quiet truth concerning prayer. We think it’s important. But it feels like work. It is exhausting to look at our list of prayer requests and think about all the things we could be doing instead of lowering our eyes and reading the list to what feels like the empty air. So, I asked Paul what he might suggest. The apostle Paul modeled, through sound teaching and prayer, three practical helps in making the mechanics of Christian life come alive.

Romans 15:1–6, Forbear and Build Up

Christians who really understand grace have an obligation to live it out with those who do not. Paul explained that “whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” Knowing scripture is to know the Lord Jesus, to know His thoughts, to share in His heart.  God’s word helps us to endure; scripture gives us hope when we are feeling defeated and discouraged.  Scripture gives us practical help in every part of life.  God’s Word revives our souls, it refreshes our spirits, it is like an anchor that keeps us from drifting away from intimacy with God.  Being in God’s words and in The Word every day is like getting your three square meals and eight hours of sleep.  It is the only way to stay spiritually healthy.

When we are pleasing God and staying in God’s word, then, Paul prayed, “May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  

Even though Christians hold different points of view, we can be so interested in one another and so concerned about one another that we can live in harmony, and the result is that we glorify God. What is the key? It’s this little phrase right here at the end, “in accord with Christ Jesus.” When God creates new life in you and me, God cuts off our old nature, the selfish, self-centered one, and has given us, in place of it, the indwelling life of the Son of God Himself.

With that life comes desire for unity and holy living.

Following Christ means living for others as God directs

Instead of being naturally selfish, believers find we can naturally live out God’s purposes, because it is God’s life lived through us, living in accord, in fellowship, with the Lord Jesus Christ. Biting our lips, and trying to keep our temper is not the secret of living with difficult people. The secret is a thankful heart which continually looks up to the Lord Jesus, saying “Thank you, Lord, for the calm patience, the purity and the love which is available to me through You continually. Thank you.”

Romans 15:7–12, Accept and Serve

There were two groups in the Roman church, as in most of the churches then, the Jews and the gentiles. They were both Christians but they came from varying backgrounds, and the problem of divisions in the church arose over these varying backgrounds.  It might be hard for you and me to fully comprehend how different these backgrounds were.  To a Jew of Paul’s day, a gentile did nothing right—they ate the wrong foods, they read the wrong books, they followed the wrong leaders, they observed the wrong customs, they frequently had sex with the wrong people … they did everything wrong and nothing right!

So, when these two people groups came together in the church, there was considerable friction, not because of any difference of their acceptance of Christ and having His Holy Spirit, but because of these different perspectives, and different cultural backgrounds. But Paul said, “Welcome each other, anyway. Receive one another because Christ has received you.” These differences may seem like everything that matters, it may feel like these differences go deep, but in God’s eyes these are just superficial differences.  If God says this person is a brother or a sister, then you and I must welcome them in love.

Christ accepts and serves everyone who will believe, so every believer must do the same

Who have you given reason to glorify God by welcoming and accepting them?  Who has God called you to serve?  These are prayers God will respond to before you are even finished praying them.

Romans 15:13, Trust and Hope

The Roman churches were tempted to judge each other over their differences.  They were prejudiced about each other.  So Paul prayed for them to the God of Hope, that the Roman Christians could have hope of rising above these things that were creating dissension in their church.

All of scripture was written to encourage believers, and provide endurance as we are conformed to Christ’s character.  To encourage and strengthen us, God gave us both the sacred words found in the Bible and The Living Word, Jesus.  Now God fulfills God’s word in our lives by the active empowering of God’s Holy Spirit. This is the process of sanctification, the believer’s progressive growth in holiness or transfiguration (metamorphosis) into the image of Christ.  Paul elsewhere said says that will mean living by the Spirit, and not gratifying the desires of the sinful nature, and that whatever you and I do, do it all for the glory of God.  Never waste even the smallest thought, even the most mundane activity, all of it can be sanctifying because all of it is part of us.

So, Paul again prayed, writing, “May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing, through the experience of your faith, that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing—bubbling over—with hope” (Amplified Bible)

Joy and peace come from trusting in God

You and I can experience joy and peace when we are willing to surrender ourselves to the infilling of God’s Holy Spirit, to let go of holding on to anger, resentment, unforgiveness, hurt, bruised and battered pride. These may all be the natural unfolding of someone else’s sin against us, or against those whom we love. We may have a very legitimate reason, deep-seated trauma, long-standing abuse. You and I may need the help of a caring and wise counselor to help us process through those wounds so we have the strength and courage to release them.

Sometimes, it is embarrassment and shame we must let go of, guilt for wrongdoing that you and I may have even already repented of. Perhaps it is letting go of bitterness about the unfairness of life –and you are not wrong, lots of things in life are devastatingly unfair because this is a broken planet filled to the brim with broken people.  Whatever it is, to receive from the Lord so often first means opening our hands and letting go.

When you and I are willing to open our hands and let go of these things, then our hands are ready to receive God’s peace, and God’s joy.  When we pray asking for joy and for peace, we are first asking for the capacity to by faith let go of what we are holding onto so tightly.

[Cover image: Photo by Michael Heuss on Unsplash]