Happiness: Fourth Choice, Centrality

I do not usually pick up self-help books, but the title was so intriguing (and I was so unhappy) that I decided to take a chance on it. Twenty years later, I am still living into the lessons I learned from this unusual research, written by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. The book itself does not come from a Christian perspective, so as I read it, I modified their counsel somewhat to include God.

There are nine choices Foster and Hicks discovered that consistently happy people make. Each choice leads to the next in a circular helix very like the chambers of a conch. People who proactively intend to be happy, who hold themselves accountable to their own choices and actions, who take as their identity “joyful in Christ,” will give happiness—blessing—centrality in their lives.

Centrality

As Foster and Hicks explain, “Centrality is the non-negotiable insistence on making that which creates happiness a central activity in life” (Happy, 16). 

Christian Surrender

When I first read that sentence I was not really sure what it meant, or if Christians could really get on board with such an idea. I mean, we, as believers, are called to surrender ourselves to the Lord, starting with Paul’s famous saying,

I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, on the basis of God’s mercy, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your reasonable act of worship.

Romans 12:1

Right after that, Paul enjoins believers to resist being conformed by the world, but rather be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Only in that way will we be able to discern God’s will, that is, all that is “good and acceptable and perfect,”  ‘perfect’ meaning whole and wholesome (Romans 12:2 NRSVUE). So, if I make central to my life that which makes me happy, how is that presenting myself to God as a living sacrifice?

Well, the authors explain what they mean by “that which creates happiness.”

Centrality is happy people’s non-negotiable choice to pursue the greatest passions of their minds and hearts.

Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 86

Spiritual Gifts

This makes more sense to the Christian, for we know that the Holy Spirit endows upon each believer spiritual gifts that do fill our hearts with a great passion. As Paul explained,

To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

To one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of powerful deeds, to another prophecy, to another the discernment of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues.

All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses.

1 Corinthians 12:7–11 NRSVUE (emphasis added)

Natural Gifts

We also know that God has created each of us with unique talents and natural abilities. Some are athletic, others are have an affinity for logic, or language, or some artistic pursuit. All of us have natural bents, perhaps to garden and nurture living things, or to teaching, or to crafting. Remember that prayer exercise in last week’s post, to write out what makes you happy? In that list will be what you love to do, what you are naturally and spiritually gifted to do, and it is there that your great passion lies.

A Dream Deferred

One of the priceless pearls tucked within the ancient wisdom literature of the Hebrew Bible is this proverb:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverb 13:12 NRSVUE (italics added)

Foster and Hicks acknowledge that often you and I can feel trapped by our responsibilities. We have to make a living somehow, and many of us are supporting others as well, children, or others in our care. And there are a host of responsibilities, such as promises we have made to a variety of people and activities, and now we need to keep those promises, those roles we have agreed to fill in our families, faith communities, and volunteer organizations. Chances are, we tell ourselves we will have to defer that personal dream, or the thing we love to do, until after we have kept certain commitments, even though that might mean ten or twenty … or thirty years down the road.

Maybe we are concerned about what it would cost to make what we love central to our lives. And that is the rub. What we love is so often sacrificed on the “altar” of what we think will keep us safe and keep life stable.

That makes me think about all the people who said yes to Jesus and followed him. Peter and Andrew, John and James all dropped their nets, jumped out of their boats, waded to shore and started on a three-year journey they could have had no idea would turn out the way it did (Mark 1:16–20). Mary Magdalene was freed from seven demons, then packed her bags and also hit the road, joining Jesus’s growing group of disciples. So did many other women (Luke 8:1–3). Paul got knocked off his horse and when he stood back up he quit his job and stayed in a stranger’s house for three days while he sorted through all the ways his life was going to radically change (Acts 9:1–19).

It can be done, it just takes ingenuity, creativity, and courage.

Others may not understand or agree with the changes you and I might need to undertake in order to make the great passions of our hearts and minds central to our lives. I remember, vividly, that moment seven years ago as I was listening to a sermon about faith, taking risks, and trusting in God. I had been praying for clarity about how unhappy I was. God gave it. My passion was, and still is, to teach the Bible and disciple others. I had been able to do that all the years my children were growing up, in a variety of settings, but now they were grown. I gave all that I had to my family, my church, and my work, and I had often been happy. God had given me many opportunities to exercise my spiritual and natural gifts. But I had deferred for years my dream to be a writer.

As the sermon ended, it was as though I could hear the Lord speaking to me personally. It was time for a change. In the next four weeks I resigned from my work, I joined a church where women are gladly encouraged at every level of ministry and leadership, I entered a seminary master’s program, and have published three of my own books since (I have listed them below).

There were a good number of people who were certain I had gone off the deep end. But those closest to me supported my choices.

When the Lord is in it, it will be done.

[Cover Image: Photo by Solen Feyissa on Unsplash]

These are the three books I wrote. I have had the great honor of writing Bible studies for other authors, but these three books are all my own.

Broken, Searching, Trusted, Powerful

Love Feast

Songs for a Savior