Happiness: Fifth Choice, Recasting

I do not usually pick up self-help books, but the title was so intriguing (and I was so unhappy) that I decided to take a chance on it. Twenty years later, I am still living into the lessons I learned from this unusual research, written by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. The book itself does not come from a Christian perspective, so as I read it, I modified their counsel somewhat to include God.

There are nine choices Foster and Hicks discovered that consistently happy people make. Each choice leads to the next in a circular helix very like the chambers of a conch. Happy people begin with the intention of seeing their glass half full. They do not blame people or circumstances for their own response to life but rather commit to accountability in their choice of how to respond to life. Happy people find what makes their identification in Christ joyful and give that blessing centrality in their lives, which is why recasting their view of circumstances is key.

Recasting

Recasting is the choice to turn problems into opportunities and challenges, and to recast extreme trauma into something meaningful, important and a source of life-giving energy. 

Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 16

This does not mean skipping past feeling the brunt of tragedy or disaster. In fact, part of choosing to be happy means choosing to be healthy, feeling our unhappy emotions deeply, and then in due course moving through suffering by recasting trauma into opportunities and meaning.

Feeling Our Feelings

When I first read this chapter, years ago, I realized how often I had never really felt my own emotions. I “soldiered on,” as they say, set my shoulder to the load, like Atlas carrying the weight of the world, or maybe like Sisyphus painstakingly pushing his massive boulder up the mountain, only to have it roll back down again. Foster and Hicks recognize that tendency in us.

During tough times we lose too much of the experience by focusing only on the immediate tasks at hand. With so many details to keep us occupied it is easy to skip either phase of the recasting process—first, experiencing the feelings and second, finding new meaning. They are both necessary and work together in tandem. The richer your understanding of your feelings about an event, the richer the meaning you can derive from the event.

Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 114

Facing Our Fear

Without paying attention, we can tell ourselves stories that are simply not true. Fear tells us that we cannot cope with what is happening, and that we will not survive the awful things we are experiencing. But the truth is we can. To recast the story is to tell ourselves a new story about the same circumstances. Yes, this is awful and I am terrified.

And also, I can cope because of the power of Christ within me.

Jesus is with me, giving me His ability to both feel shredded and scalded, and to survive. Jesus is enabling me to both feel the depth and breadth of my emotions, and to move forward to the most beneficial conclusion possible in this chapter in my story. Jesus has the wherewithal I need, and Jesus will not only share His power with me, Jesus will lavish upon me and within me absolutely every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3–14).

Foster and Hicks suggest that recasting is like a windmill, and the events of life are like the wind “blowing continuously through our lives” (Happy, 117). Keeping the windmill in good condition means it can convert those winds—even gale-force hurricanes—of change into energy.

Dealing with De Nile

My husband has sometimes joked that I am the “Queen of De Nile” (“denial,” get it?). And he is not wrong. There have been plenty of times when I would rather pretend everything is okay—I am okay, the situation is fine, no need to be unhappy. But denial really is just pretend. It is not being happy, or maintaining happiness, it is ignoring what is so profoundly unhappy.

“But,” you might be saying to yourself, “But the whole thing is too big for me, the horror goes too deep, the terror is too wide, the situation is too complex, the trouble is too entrenched. I cannot face it.”

And I would say, in really painful, protracted situations, you are right, you cannot face it … alone.

Sometimes, the enabling Jesus gives is not only an inner supernatural strength, it is also the care of others, even when (and perhaps especially when) a chapter of tragedy and trauma writes itself into our lives, when you and I might think there is no one left on this cold, hard earth who loves us.

But there are. There are people who will care deeply, including doctors, therapists, social workers, and others who have dedicated their lives to helping, and who consider it a privilege to be asked. The person who intends to be happy, who remains accountable to their own decisions, who knows who they are as people of the Lord, and who knows the passions of their own minds and hearts, who has decided to make those passions central to their lives, tells this painful story with more than one person in the middle of it. “I cannot walk this road alone. I need the support and care of others. I am going to reach out to others for their help.”

Recasting Exercises

 Foster and Hicks acknowledge that recasting the story is difficult, it takes time, it takes practice, and it takes following through. But, in the end, it costs less energy to recast the story than it does to chronically suffer. There is a great exercise in the book to help recast our stories on pages 124–125. I have used that exercise often, remembering to include the Lord in it as an open prayer. In the exercise, Foster and Hicks offer the following questions as seed thoughts.

Questions for Recasting

• What are the emotions I am feeling?
• Have I really allowed myself to feel all of the emotions related to this problem?
• As difficult or painful as the problem may be, what things of great importance have I learned about myself or others because of this problem?
• Have I reevaluated my life in any way?
• What do my emotions and reactions teach me about myself?
• Has this problem prompted me to make positive changes in my life?
• Are there meaningful ways to change my life that would make me happier and more productive?
• If this problem is unlikely to change, how can I best enhance other parts of my life?

Recasting is a “stand alone” skill. It is supported by all the other choices of happy people, and without it, all those other choices lose something of their power.

Actions for Recasting

How you and I interpret what happens in our lives, is going to have a profound effect on what we think and how we feel about God, and our lives.  What story do you and I tell ourselves about the daily events in our lives? How do you and I view ourselves, and the other people around us?

Six British experts from a variety of disciplines, a psychologist, a psychotherapist, two workplace specialists, a social entrepreneur, and an economist  worked together in an unusual three-month experiment to help the people living in a particular English town [of Slough] to find happiness.

What they discovered they put into a list. I added a Bible passage that supports these choices.

1. Plant something and nurture it (Genesis 2:15).
2. Count your blessings, at least five, at the end of each day (1 Timothy 4:4).
3. Take time to talk. Have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week (Ephesians 4:15).
4. Phone a friend with whom you have not spoken for a while and arrange to meet up (Hebrews 10:25).
5. Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it (Genesis 2:2–3).
6. Have a good laugh at least once a day (Proverbs 17:22).
7. Get physical. Exercise for half an hour three times a week (1 Timothy 4:8).
8. Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day (Matthew 25:35).
9. Cut your TV viewing by half (Proverbs 13:4).
10. Spread kindness. Do a good turn for someone every day (Matthew 10:42).

[Cover Image: Photo by Sid Balachandran on Unsplash]