Happiness: Seventh Choice, Appreciation

I do not usually pick up self-help books, but the title was so intriguing (and I was so unhappy) that I decided to take a chance on it. Twenty years later, I am still living into the lessons I learned from this unusual research, written by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. The book itself does not come from a Christian perspective, so as I read it, I modified their counsel somewhat to include God.

There are nine choices Foster and Hicks discovered that consistently happy people make. Each choice leads to the next in a circular helix very like the chambers of a conch. We have followed that helix from its foundational principle of intention to be happy, to accountability to our own lives, to identifying what makes us joyful in Christ, to making blessing central to life, to recasting tragedy and trauma into something meaningful and important, to being open to options, including those that represent risk. And all of that leads us to a profound sense of appreciation in everything.

Appreciation

As the authors state at the beginning of their book,

Happy people actively appreciate their lives and express gratitude and thanks to the people around them.  They revel in each moment and transform that which is ordinary into something wonderful. [Happy people are] aware of the moment and grateful to those around you for what they mean in your life”  

Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 17

I no longer remember where I found this list, years ago, but when I stumbled across it, I had to sit down with it. I recognized myself.

How (Not) To Be Happy

As you read through this list, think about the mindset it endorses.

1. “Count your many troubles, name them one by one” — at the breakfast table, if anybody will listen, or as soon as possible thereafter.
2. Worry every day about something. Do not let yourself get out of practice. It will not add a cubit to your stature but it might burn a few calories.
3. Pity yourself. If you do enough of this, nobody else will have to do it for you.
4. Devise clever but decent ways to serve God and mammon. After all, a woman’s gotta live. 
5. Make it your business to find out what the Joneses are buying this year and where they are going for vacation. Try to do them at least one better even if you have to take out another loan to do it.
6. Stay away from absolutes, like right and wrong. It is all about what is right for you that matters. Be your own person and do not allow yourself to get hung up on what God is teaching you.
7. Make sure you get your rights. Never mind other people’s rights. You have your life to live, they have theirs.
8. Do not fall into any compassion traps—the sort of situation where people can walk all over you. If you get too involved in other people’s troubles, you may neglect your own.
9. Do not let Bible reading and prayer get in the way of what is really relevant—things like TV and newspapers. Invisible things are eternal. You want to stick with the visible ones—they are where it is at now.

How happy is this person? How blessed are they? How blessed are the other people in this person’s life? Most of us have traveled down this road at least once. And God has a way of dealing with us when we get stuck here.

A Sensurround Experience

Appreciation is far more than simply saying “thank you.” As Foster and Hicks open this chapter they write:

Appreciation is many things and assumes many forms. Appreciation is transformation. It is awareness. It is how we acknowledge others. It is the way we open our emotional floodgates and let our happiness flow into the world. And appreciation is our way of living fully in the moment.

… Appreciation like this is existence in the moment. Nothing is taken for granted. Life is a gift, and happy people look for what can be appreciated now.

Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 152

Unlike so many other things in life, there are no ill side-effects for appreciation, it will always bring us joy and contentment. Even when it seems there is nothing good that we can enjoy or be thankful for, there is still this new day the Lord has given us, more time to breath in and breath out. Forty-six times the Psalms speak of being glad before the Lord, “Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart” (Psalm 32:11 NRSVUE). Simply being in God’s presence is enough, to have God’s Spirit within us is enough. This Psalm is well-known to us all,

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24 NRSVUE

Active not Passive

To be thankful, to enjoy, to even be aware are not the sort of thing that sneaks up on a person, as a rule. You and I need to be active in cultivating appreciation and growing in our capacity to appreciate.

Seek

Appreciation begins with actively looking for opportunities to appreciate. Even on the worse day, I remember to thank God that I can feel. It took years of therapy for me to discover my full range of emotions, and now, being able to feel grief, joy, sorrow, thrill, despair, excitement, and all the rest is an enormous gift. This is what it means to be fully, truly alive.

Feel

Then feel the appreciation of this good moment as deeply as we can. When you and I are aware of the sun on our faces, allow that feeling of warmth and joy to seep into every nook and cranny of our souls. When we breath in a lovely scent, savor every moment. When we caress the soft, tousled hair of a beloved child, or taste the delicious, perfumed sweetness of fruit, allow every part of that enjoyment and appreciation to fill our hearts. And when someone does something kind, or considerate, or gracious for us, let their gift become the warmth it is meant to be to enliven our spirits.

Speak

When you and I speak appreciation to the person who has provided such goodness in this moment, something wonderful happens inside of us, and inside of the people we appreciate. And I say so, by thanking. Paul spoke of this when he wrote,

As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, continue to walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.

Colossians 2:6–7 NRSVUE

A brief word search shows Paul wrote about being thankful more than forty times in his epistles. From that we can learn that appreciation is part of our makeup as believers, it is embedded deep within our spirits by the Spirit of God, finding such great pleasure in all that God has created.

Empathy

When you and I are willing to look for and appreciate all we can, a beautiful trait grows within our characters. Empathy, a compassion for others, and especially for those who are in our lives.

… appreciation creates a gentle space. It prevents us from losing sight of everything we value and love about the relationship and keeps the current problem in perspective. It nurtures an opening, a point of caring and love that might initiate a step toward intimacy and growth period when we feel appreciated, we can let down our guard and find mutual points of agreement and acceptance.

 Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 162

A Way to Pray

As with most chapters, the authors provide an exercise in learning and developing appreciation which can easily become a prayer practice. Set a timer for five minutes, then as quickly as you can, write down all the things you appreciate. Do not censor your list, or try to edit it, this is just between you and the Lord. There is nothing too small or too silly to appreciate.

A way to modify this prayer practice and develop greater intimacy with God is to set the timer again and this time write down what you sense the Lord is saying in response to you for your gratitude. A dear friend regularly gathers a few of us together to practice this interactive gratitude form of prayer, and it is one of the more enriching times of my week.

[Cover Image: Photo by David Waite on Unsplash]