Happiness: Ninth Choice, Truthfulness

I do not usually pick up self-help books, but the title was so intriguing (and I was so unhappy) that I decided to take a chance on it. Twenty years later, I am still living into the lessons I learned from this unusual research, written by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. The book itself does not come from a Christian perspective, so as I read it, I modified their counsel somewhat to include God.

There are nine choices Foster and Hicks discovered that consistently happy people make. Each choice leads to the next in a circular helix very like the chambers of a conch.

As we follow the helix, we see the progression of intention to be happy to its final conclusion of truthfulness, by keeping integrity with who we are in Christ.

Truthfulness

Foster and Hicks explain what they mean by truthfulness at the beginning of their book.

Happy people “speak their truth” in an accountable manner, enforce personal boundaries, and will not conform to the

• demands of society
• corporation
• [surrounding culture, or even Christian culture, which often has rules for what’s considered “righteous” or “holy”]
• Or the family whose demands violate their personal belief systems.

Their truthfulness becomes a contract they have with themselves and, most important, it is a way to check their thoughts and actions against their own internal, personal code. 

Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 17–18 (bullet points and brackets added)

“I Am the Way, the Truth, and the Life”

In all three synoptic Gospels, the writers tell of a time when the scribes and chief priests were trying to entrap Jesus, so they sent spies to approach Jesus with crafty questions. Their opening line acknowledged Jesus’s integrity:

“Teacher, we know that you are sincere, and teach the way of God in accordance with truth, and show deference to no one, for you do not regard people with partiality.

“Teacher, we know that you are sincere and show deference to no one, for you do not regard people with partiality but teach the way of God in accordance with truth. 

“Teacher, we know that you are right in what you say and teach, and you show deference to no one but teach the way of God in accordance with truth.”

Matthew 22:16; Mark 12:14; Luke 20:21 NRSVUE (emphases added)

But it is the Gospel of John that really leans into Jesus as the very embodiment of truth. In the first chapter, John declares:

And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth.

John 1:14 (NRSVUE (emphasis added)

Jesus, Truth Incarnate*

John teaches that though the law comes through Moses, grace and truth come through Jesus. God is in search of those who will worship the Father in spirit and in truth, through faith in Jesus. Jesus always tells the truth, truth that liberates:

“… you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

Quoting Jesus in John 8:32 NRSVUE

There is a great dichotomy between truth and lies in this Gospel, between Jesus and those who believed him, and the religious rulers who wanted to have nothing to do with Jesus and his teachings. Jesus accused the temple elite, including the Pharisees, of being the spawn of Satan, saying,

“You are from your father the devil, and you choose to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks according to his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

Quoting Jesus in John 8:44 NRSVUE (emphases added)

For those listening to this exchange between Jesus and the religious scholars, there had to have been a certain measure of fear. Had they indeed been lied to by the very people they trusted with their souls?

Later, Jesus reassured his own followers and disciples that once he departed from them, he would send an advocate, one called the “Spirit of Truth,” who would guide them into all truth, everything that was of the Father. Then Jesus prayed for his own, that they would receive the truth and be sanctified in it.

During Pilate’s interrogation, the procurator demanded to know what the truth really is, but he left the room before Jesus could give him an answer.

But Paul’s letters are full of counsel about the dangers of suppressing the truth, and of how life-giving truth is. If we are anything, as followers of Christ, we are people of the truth.

*Word search for “truth” in John’s Gospel.

“Fundamental Honesty”

Foster and Hicks open this final chapter with these words:

The choice to be truthful is a rich and deeply personal statement that happy people make about themselves, to themselves. It is a kind of truth that speaks to the ability to confront our personal mythologies, to look at our behavior honestly, and to do what is right for ourselves, regardless of the social pressure to do otherwise. This fundamental honesty to ourselves also becomes the wellspring of truthfulness with others.

Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 190

As Christians, we can recognize this ethic, just as Jesus prayed for us to remain in the world but not to be of the world. We march to a different drummer, whose beat is truth and integrity in all things.

But, read that paragraph again if you missed it. This is most about being truthful to our own selves, to be honest with ourselves, and to weed out our personal “mythologies,” those things we have either been told by others, or things we have told ourselves that are not actually true. The authors quote John F. Kennedy musing that the great enemy of truth is often enough not a lie, but a “persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic” myth (Happy, 197).

Foster and Hicks provide an exercise to help unearth those hidden false stories: find a quiet place where you can relax and think without distraction. Have paper and pen to hand, then set a timer for maybe five minutes or so. Without censoring yourself answer these two questions (Happy, 195–196):

• “I pretend that _________________”
• “The truth is ___________________”

For example, “I pretend that I am close with my coworker. The truth is, I never share anything meaningful about myself with them.”

As you go through this exercise, what did you learn about yourself? Were you surprised by any of your personal mythologies? What surprised you? Were there any themes to the stories you tell yourself? How might those themes relate to the way you cope with life? What was this exercise like, for you, to see some of the things you tell yourself that are not actually true?

Doctrines that Divide

It is important for you and me to know what we believe and keep integrity with those beliefs while at the same time show grace and generosity of spirit towards others who do not see things the way you or I might. Consider how closely the authors’ following counsel parallels the apostle Paul’s instruction on unity within the body of Christ.

We can never be wrong with our truth, because the viewing lens is uniquely ours. The best we can do is to tell our truth honestly and to allow others to do the same. If [a] family endeavor[s] to find an objective truth, they would waste a great deal of time. Undertaking the impossible task of assigning right and wrong could lead to a division into camps, misunderstandings and alienation—in short, a polarized family.

By contrast, allowing each person to have their own truth leads to a unified family that encourages a diversity of viewpoints. This creates a gentle, accepting and happier group.

Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, How We Choose To Be Happy, 200

As Christians, we acknowledge there are certain truths we do all hold together, truths we call dogma which are nonnegotiable. In that sense, there really is a right and a wrong, an objective truth. In fact, Paul gives us those nonnegotiable truths:

… there is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.

Ephesians 4:4-6 NRSVUE

But there is so much about living out our faith that is not about dogma but about doctrine, those things we consider to be right teaching.

Paul spoke extensively on these matters in the following passages:

1. “Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14:1–15:5).
2. “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8).
3. “Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but of many” (1 Corinthians 12).
4. “Make every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4).

And it is in that final Ephesians passage that Paul so famously enjoins us to

Put “away falsehood, let each of you speak the truth with your neighbor, for we are members of one another.”

Ephesians 4:25 NRSVUE

[Cover Image: Photo by Bob Frewin on Unsplash]