“Am I a Terrible Person?”

Published almost twenty years ago, “Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To” by Anthony DeStefano changed how I pray and how I experience God’s answers to my prayer. I’ll be spending the next few weeks talking about what I got from his book, and how applying the principles in this book to my own life changed me.

Everyone knows that God forgives sins, and anybody who has spent any time in a church will have heard something about Jesus dying for us. 

God’s Forgiveness, Easy to Come By

DeStefano points out that the way the Bible tells it, it is ridiculously easy to be forgiven.  This is what Christianity is. This is why we have a Bible at all. It is to tell the whole grand story of humanity’s beginning, of what happened to humanity so early in our childhood that broke us, and broke the whole cosmos so completely there was no way for us to be able to put the pieces back together ourselves. The Bible exists to tell the story of God’s rescue and restoration of the people God so loves.  

All you and I have to do is ask. 

We finally get honest about ourselves with God. We open the doors we had kept nailed shut for so long, those awful memories we wish would shrivel up and blow away, things said and done, or left unsaid and undone, that for all the world we wish we could undo, or redo. “Oh God, please forgive me.” Or “Oh God, please drain off this poison within me and help me forgive them.” We have hit bottom with this thing. We’re done with it (whatever “it” is), just so done, and we really are ready to move on without looking back.

But … ?

Really Bad People?

But what about a person so terrible, so horrifying, that no one, if they really knew the whole truth, could ever bring themselves to forgive? Would God forgive someone like that?  

Serial Sinners?

Or, what about someone who is a serial sinner? It’s like some awful dark urge that drives them back, again and again and again and again … Does God not get tired of forgiving the same sins after awhile?  Does the Lord ever get disgusted and throw up the Lord’s hands, like people do? 

Disappointments?

Or, what if things are going really well? And then … someone disappoints everyone around them with the same drama, or the same immaturity, or the same selfish, self-centered way. Do we have the ability to disappoint the Lord?

The fact is God wants to forgive you and me more than anything, so God looks for every possible reason to forgive us. The key concept here is what is going on in our hearts.  God knows how weak we are.  We fall constantly.  Some people commit the same sin over and over again their whole lives long. 

God knows that. 

DeStefano reminds us that the Lord has been watching people commit these sins for thousands of years.  It’s not that God has grown used to it, but God is not surprised in any way when God sees you and me falling again and again and again and again …

These Things Take Time

If there is a particular wrong thing you or I are having trouble with, and we do it constantly and we feel bad about it constantly too, then most likely you or I are having serious doubts about our ability to overcome it.  It is possible we feel, deep down, that the situation is hopeless.  But do not let that stop you from turning your back on it and asking for forgiveness.  These things often take time, and counseling, and sometimes twelve-step programs. Most of the time, you and I need help. We cannot do this alone.

Literally.

Most of the time, you and I cannot repent our way into spiritual health or emotional health or even physical health all by ourselves. We need the help of wise counselors, sometimes doctors, often mentors and coaches, and the encouragement and support of friends and family. And, of course, the enabling power of God.

Now it is true, DeStefano adds, that you and I cannot expect to ask God for forgiveness while at the same time secretly cherishing whatever it is we are asking forgiveness for.  We cannot ask for forgiveness if we are not really sorry, that is presuming upon the mercy of God.  But if we are very weak, and all we have is a desire to get out of this loop, that is enough for God.

“Forgive Me As I Forgive Others”

God also wants you and me to have the same forgiving attitude toward others, just as we pray “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Jesus was clear on this, God will offer you and me the same measure of mercy we offer others.

“Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap, for the measure you give will be the measure you get back.”

Luke 2:37–38 NRSVUE

In fact, before Jesus said those words, he said, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.” Now, if you are the type of person who gets easily disgusted, or you are a critical person, or you tend to hold a grudge, you hold other people in contempt, you believe guilt and shame are the glue that holds relationships together, then that is the first thing to repent of!

Maybe there are some things you just cannot bring yourself to forgive.  Okay, DeStefano suggests, start small. Ask God to help you forgive the person who

• cuts you off on the freeway. 
• brushes past you in the grocery store. 
• greets your companion but not you
• lets their dog bark in the yard.

The important thing is to develop a habit of forgiveness in these small ways, so you and I will become strong in faith to be able to handle forgiveness of the big things.

For some people, asking God for forgiveness is as welcome as a trip to the dentist. Your tooth hurts, you know you need to have it checked, but … you keep putting it off. Why?

I Do Not Want To Talk About it

Because you and I are afraid to confront the sinful things in our lives. We are afraid it is going to bring even more grief, and sorrow, and guilt, and shame. You and I will do almost anything to avoid pain, will we not? So, every time we identify something within ourselves that might bring us pain, we work hard at trying to pretend it simply is not there. We say:

• “It really is not that bad.”
• “It is not what it seems”
• “I’ve nailed that door closed, it is in the past. I never want to talk about it.”
• “Let sleeping dogs lie”
• “I was [or, they were] justified because …”
• “It will work itself out”

But the long-term suffering that comes from stuffing all that down is far worse, in the end, than the pain of confronting it. Just like a tooth that is not tended to, the infection will spread and sometimes become quite serious. But the pain of exposing the infection, and doing what is necessary to heal and grow will always be manageable, because God will be there with you and me. 

In fact, in the end, it will not feel like pain at all, it will feel like release, like being set free.

There is great power in the words “God, please forgive me.”  Not only will God forgive you and me, but God will clean out the wound.

“If we confess our sins, Jesus who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

1 John 1:9 NRSVUE

The Lord will begin to heal us, and the Lord will fill us with God’s own good, clean life. You and I may still have the consequences of the sin to deal with, but now we will also have the mighty power of God’s Spirit within us, to enable us to endure those consequences, and struggle through them. And God will get us through it all.

[Cover Image by Photo by Ümit Bulut on Unsplash]